just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He shit in the fireplace
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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