i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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