she told me i tasted like america
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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