You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
