you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
