I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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