the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
