Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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