i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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