i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Even my vagina gasped.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
