big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
