oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
