Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
