I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
