I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize