i permit you to call me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We left the knife in your bed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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