your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
