living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
