the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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