My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
