i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
