I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
