Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
