Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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