so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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