you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
