Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
