i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
