So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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