I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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