fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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