your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
