opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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