We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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