what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
