and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
