I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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