I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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