4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
