I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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