it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Will exercising make me less horny?
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