Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
