All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
