you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
