FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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