Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
