Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
