Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
