some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
