I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
