This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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