So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
