Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
