i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
