I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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