Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
