they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
