i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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