just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
